We all are humans who make mistakes but to a mind of a child, its parents are more than just a human. The parents are its guardians, caretakers and creators. For that reason the parents do and how they behave is a crucial part of the psyche of the children. If they are hungry they speak to the parents and if they’re cold and harsh they yell and shout when there is something wrong. The way people approach to the mistakes is how they learn and overcome those mistakes.
Here are some phrases that you shouldn’t use when you talk to your child:
It may be the worst thing that a child can hear, especially when you’re its mental figure and they expect most of to be approved. In this way you’re putting the child on a journey that never ends to seek approval from the outside world. You’re letting them to believe that they have nothing instead of helping them. Instead of saying this, you can say ‘It is not your day, but you will do better the next time’, or ‘nobody is perfect’, or ‘you can do better’.
’Stop crying right now’
When a child does something for which it knows that it will be punished, it starts crying. That is its emotion even there is no reason to cry. It has the right to express how it feels. By stopping this process, the child will suppress its emotions. You should hug it and explain that it is wrong what it did but it is great to show how it feels.
”I’m disappointed in you”
This is usually said when the child already feels bad. You can be disappointed in everything in this world, but never in your own child because you are there to lead them on the right path. Guide them back when they do something wrong and teach them and explain then what was done wrong and why.
’You’re not (something) enough’
With this, you show the children a restricted image of themselves, implying that they lack in something in order for them to be who they want to be or do what they want to do. They’re enough to be themselves and they need to grow to become what they are. Tell them to practice or train something before so they will grow that way.
’Big girls/boys do not get scared’
In this way, you’re forcing them to reject what they really feel. The fear isn’t a bad thing but it reminds them to be more careful. Tell them not to run away from the fear but to face it and learn from it. Tell them that it is ok to be scared because all of us get scared sometimes. Encourage them that they will do the right thing even when they are scared because they are your heroes.